Millet? I don't even know it!

This morning marks the beginning of my third full day on the Total Elimination Diet.  I decided to take the plunge and do the TED starting on Sunday afternoon, which was the culmination of a weekend filled with periodic crying spells and general despondence.

On Friday morning, I changed Elgin's diaper only to find blood again.  My heart dropped, and I called the doctor who said to go ahead and bring him in to be checked.  After a lunch on a somewhat uplifting gorgeous trail with Cory, Henry, and EW, I took Elgin to his appointment.  Dr. Song isn't in on Fridays, so we met with a different doctor who examined my smiling, talky baby then explained that, after two weeks, we expect to see improvement and definitely not a worsening condition.  After lots of negotiations and some tears and a shaky voice on my part, we agreed to give the milk-free diet another week to see if symptoms improve before switching to a specialty formula.

Formula?  I have so. much. milk.  My milk.  My baby.  My milk is supposed to be tailored to my baby's needs.  It helps keep him from getting sick, creates euphoria for both of us, and it gives him the very best start he can have. And, when I start work right smack in the middle of cold and flu season, I plan on nursing him on my lunch break.  We were going to still have that special time in the middle of the day.  And, Elgin's night sleep is amazing.  He now chooses to sleep from about 8:30 to 5:30, and I don't really want to mess with whatever is helping his body to make that choice.

But, then, my milk is harmful to him.  With hindsight, we now think he never actually had a cold--just the beginnings of his protein allergy.  And no one wants to see blood, even a tiny amount, in their baby's diaper.  It's scary, and I sure don't want him to hurt.

I read every label and avoided milk and dairy like it was poison.  What went wrong?

But, yet, so much is still so right.  He fights some nursing sessions but generally loves it once he can snuggle in comfortably.  And, he's a happy baby, crying the loudest when he's sleepy and wants to drift off NOW and not later.

I get it.  I'm a grump when sleepy, too.

Enter Total Elimination Diet.  The idea is to eat the least allergenic foods of each group then slowly add back foods to see which ones trigger his symptoms.  It's tough, but once you have a child, you find out how tough to you can be and the lengths you will go to in order to make sure they're OK.

So, for two weeks, I'll be eating free range lamb and turkey, yellow and green squash, rice and millet (made millet for breakfast yesterday--not bad, but it's no oatmeal), sweet and white potatoes, and pears.  I will drink only water, rice drink (pretty delicious stuff), and diluted pear juice.  My alloted seasonings are salt and pepper.

For the most part, I'll be making two meals--one for me, and one for Cory and Henry.  After all, Cory did just complete a Trader Joe's and Costco shopping spree on Sunday morning, hours before I made the final decision to go off the edge of reasonable eating.  My older boys have a lot of perishables to consume!

Once symptoms clear, and I do hope I finally change a non-mucus poop diaper and never, ever see blood again, I can begin adding back some more generally safe foods, one every four days, while keeping a journal of what I eat and recording any symptoms of sensitivity.

It may sound extreme, but it's not nearly as extreme as giving up nursing when all else seems well.  If he were bleeding regularly, fussy all the time, or not gaining weight, I would stop.  No question.  But, since making the decision to try TED, I feel much more at peace, and my crying ceased.

Well, I did tear up yesterday when I gazed upon my frozen milk supply that my baby cannot have:

There is selfishness wrapped up in my decision.  Nursing my babies is one of my great joys, and I don't want to give up easily.  I prayed about and pondered this decision and tried to decide what was best for Elgin and our family, and not just for me.  This decision feels right to both Cory and me, and if Elgin could tell us, I think he would agree, too.  The hardest part, so far, is having to gently turn down H's offers to share his Halloween candy.

Today, I roast a whole turkey for the first time.  Please be delicious!  I have to eat it for quite a while.

And, please, please let this method work for my sweet Elgin.  If not, then I am praying that we will make the next decision with peace, too.